• Stephanie Hammond

A brother's love


Throughout the last few posts, writing about all this trauma, I barely mentioned my brother. He was in the army and posted to Malaysia and then to Vietnam. He was in Vietnam when my husband died. To this day I regret how we handled telling him the news. We didn’t.

We were so afraid that it might distract him. We knew the soldiers were having a hard time there and we didn’t know the half of how horrific it was. But what we did know was enough to make mum and me fearful. If we told him, might he be distracted and injured or even killed.

So we left it until he arrived home on the ship. What a joyous time it was for us to know he’d made it and was coming home. Mum, my sister, my two girls and I gathered at the wharves on the Brisbane River along with hundreds of other family members to welcome our boys home. What a sight that must have been for battle weary eyes. Colourful clothes, banners of welcome, bands playing and sun shining - all welcoming them home.

He was not happy that we’d kept the truth from him. It was so hard for him to care for us from that distance and to know he was totally unaware that we were going through such hard times really upset him. He seemed to forgive us in time, but I never knew if he really did. We didn’t discuss this time in our later years.

Now he was home, he was posted to the local Army barracks and we saw a lot of him. Like dad, he was a loving influence in my daughters’ lives - and in mine. He didn’t drive and it was fun for me to show off my driving skills and chauffeur him. With the girls in the back seat, we got him all to ourselves on those trips. They were so young, but I know they treasure what memories they have of him.

For as long as he lived, whenever I was with him and our sister I felt at home. Peace, confidence and joy always filled me. I knew I belonged. I knew I was loved. I loved freely and unconditionally. When I look back on all the photos of we three together, it is this that I see in my face and eyes. These are the only photos I ever liked of myself.

This was a rare state for me, I know that now. Looking back over my life. Even in my happiest moments with others, it was rare for me to feel such total freedom with another. Mostly, fear of judgement and censorship determined how I showed up in my life. With my sister and brother, I could be me. This is a rare gift, to be free to be oneself. It’s a gift that not everyone has in their lives. It’s a gift my sister gives me still. It’s a gift my brother gave me until the day he died. It’s a gift I hope with all my heart that others feel from me. The gift of unconditional love.

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Last Days in Atlantis. (Young Adult Novel)

Mari is thrust into a position of responsibility as the warrior leader of the Atlantean Hill People before she's ready. She strives to make choices that are best for her and her people against a backdrop of deception and intrigue. She becomes entangled in the power struggles between her people and the rulers of the City of the Golden Gates. 

Events test her trust in the traditions of her people and her confidence in those who are dear to her: the Elders, her mother, and the young man she is expected to share her life with.  Mari believes she has failed the task and struggles to overcome her feelings of grief, guilt, and betrayal as her very survival is threatened. 
 

I have written two children's stories about Beatrice, a young angel-in-training with one large wing. The first to be published, Beatrice Learns Compassion, was illustrated by my granddaughter, Bella, when she was 10-years-old. Bella is currently illustrating the secon book, Beatrice Spreads Joy. 

The Beatrice book is available on Kindle. It's suited to young children. Print copies are available to purchase through the contact page